Mistress of the Method: Days18 & 19: State of the Union and Connection

It's only appropriate that the State of the Union address is on tonight, because that has been the subject of my convo with JP today... or rather, the state of OUR union.

The strain of finances (lack thereof), pressure on me to get a job, him getting hurt at work (he fell off a 25 foot ladder and injured his tailbone working as a grip on a local movie set a few weeks ago and has been on worker's comp) and our living situation (cool house but horrible neighborhood-- uh, gunshots and bad peeps creeping around) among other things, have created a tense dynamic. JP said that he feels like we both are walking around on eggshells all the time. It's not good. It's not healthy. It's not us.

But see, that's the thing...it is us -- how we've individually and as a couple, been treating US. Our issues have been months in the making, kind of like my Muffin Top has been months in the making. It got me thinking about how similar things happen to our bodies and to our relationships-- depending on what kind of "maintenance plan" you're on.

We can all think back to that blissful period in a romantic relationship when everything was perfect. Love, love, love...and more love. You finish each other's sentences. A trip to the grocery store together is as romantic as a jaunt to a tropical island, you're so in love. Everyone comments on how great you are as a couple. Love, love, love....Sound familiar?

Now, remember when you were in the best shape of your life? Your body felt perfect-- everyone comments on how great you look? Yeah. I remember. So, you skip a workout, cuz, you're in the best shape of your life, right? And then you skip another one.

Kinda like when things are going great with your man and something comes up, a little ish that irks you, but you don't say anything-- why rock the boat? You're in love, after all. But another issue comes up, and you skip it, like you skip your workout, and before you know it, a little layer of animosity has grown, just like that little layer of fat around your belly. It's not obvious at first, you barely notice. But your jeans get a little bit tighter, your patience with him gets a little bit shorter....and so it begins....

When I did my cardio today, I dragged my rebounder out to the backyard because it was like 65 degrees and sunny, here in Hotlanta...I set my laptop up and thought to myself, Just get through it. Just get through that 40 minutes of bouncing and bobbing on the rebounder so you can check cardio off your list today. I've hit a plateau in weight loss this week, and I think it's because I've been just getting through it-- instead of truly connecting to my body, the way Tracy suggests. In the 30 Day Method book, she says, "I need you to really connect yourself to this process. Dance aerobics alone won't do it. Raising and lowering your arms on cue won't do it. You can't just do it. You have to perform it."

I think that's the perfect relationship analogy. Going through the motions isn't going to keep either person happy in a relationship. You have to connect. (And I'm betting most of our guys would agree that they'd prefer we perform it, too....heehee!!) But seriously, it was an epiphany today, the whole idea of being PRESENT and connecting. It's so easy to ask your significant other how their day was, blah blah blah, but are we really listening to the answer? I've caught myself recently, zoning out in the middle of something JP was telling me that was important to him....and he picked up on it, and I could tell it upset him. I wasn't present. And that's not cool.

BE PRESENT. Even if it's just a 10 minute convo together, be PRESENT. Listen to him. That's all our dudes really want from us, anyway-- that and a hot meal. Oh, and a hot TAM body, right???

BE PRESENT. Even if it's just a 10 minute rebounder workout, be PRESENT.

I am positive I will start seeing better results with a more tacit connection to both my workout and my relationship. Thing is, I have to make time for BOTH every day.

JP just joined a gym which I think will be great for him, emotionally and physically. Believe it or not, dudes get depressed about themselves just like we do if they don't feel good about their bodies. JP said, "Honey, I have BIT** TITS!" I nearly fell over laughing. "Honey, you don't have BIT** TITS, I promise you!" He said, "They're bigger than yours!" Well, darling, if you haven't noticed, almost everyone's are bigger than mine! No surprise there! ( ;

So, tonight, I picked up a card for him, which I thought was totally, hilariously appropriate!

"God, I hope this visor doesn't make me look fat..."

I think everything's going to be fine with us. The great thing about JP is that he talks issues out and I always feel better after we've had a pow-wow like we did today. Again, it's going to take some time to re-connect, get some stability back into our life-- just like it's going to take time to get my TAM bod back in fighting form...but, I'm committed. I truly am committed. To him. And to me.

On that note, it's almost time to turn on the real State of the Union-- so God Bless America and Goodnight!

Here's a little treat-- old school Stereo MC's "Connected"-- I'm definitely going to add this to my dance cardio playlist!