Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Day 9: Please report to the lost and found for your abs.

My Mom called me this morning, frantic. She can't find her hearing aids and to replace them would be $4,000, which isn't exactly in her retirement budget. I told her to retrace her steps, not to panic and certainly NOT to order new ones until she'd given it another day or two for them to turn up, which inevitably, they will.

I regularly misplace shit-- my phone, my purse, my keys, etc... Back when I was reporting, I had a work cell phone which was extremely convenient because I could use one phone to call and locate the other phone! Now that I'm down to one personal phone, if JP isn't around to call it for me, I use a great online service Personally, I think the service should allow you to record your own message, so that way, when I call my phone, I could pick up and hear myself-- chiding my pathologically ditzy behavior: "Parker, are we really having a blonde moment this early in the morning? C'mon, dummy. Your phone was in the bathroom, AGAIN, right next to your mascara. Wake up, sister!" Instead, I get a very polite recording thanking me for using the service.

The thing with losing things is that no matter how frustrating and stressful it is while said item is lost, it just makes it all the more gratifying to find it again. Take my abs, for example. Even at my former heaviest weight-- (just call me Tyson, people!) -- I've always been so muscular, that you could still spot an ab, even under a layer of fat. Well, this time around, not so much. The muffin top, the spare tire, the absence of a Tracy V, had buried my formerly defined abs into obscurity. They were lost. No GPS (Get rid of Paunch STAT!) to crunch my way out of dough girl status.

This morning, when I got on the scale, the numbers only showed a -.2 pound decrease to 167, down from 167.2, but I caught a glimpse of a long lost friend in my mirror.

Lost and Found: Ab

Peeking around from my belly button, was my old friend, Ab. Oh Ab, my darling, how I've missed you!

Now that Ab has been recovered from the lost and found, I'm going to be keeping my eyes out for his cousins who disappeared months ago, Lats and Obliques...they have to turn up one of these days!

Just as I told my Mom to retrace her steps, I'm looking back at my own steps, er missteps, to discover how I lost Abs, Lats and Obliques in the first place. UM, yeah. Overeating. Not working out. Drinking too much wine. Overeating. Pretty much a How-To Guide for Replacing Ab & Friends with Muffin Top and her sloppy sister, Gut McFatty. Well, Muffin Tizzle and G McFizzle are disinvited to this House party. Buh-Bye. I officially and formally invite Ab & his Homeboys to stay with me FUH-EVAH.

Workout/Diet Stats:
Maybe it was the rant about overpromising and underdelivering yesterday that inspired me to OVERdeliver on my workout-- I did 60 minutes of cardio! I finished all of Dance Cardio II and then put my ankle weights on and did 20 minutes of BC cardio. I was so sweaty afterwards, I had to change my sports bra and shirt for MS-- then did 35 reps with the ankle weights. The problem with the Bootcamp workouts is that it takes so damn long to get through. My workout yesterday took over 2 hours!

I'm trying not to veer too much from the TAM menu, but without salmon, I made chicken with a honey ginger lime glaze and some zucchini for dinner. JP loved it, ate everything, and then, he turned into the Meanest Man in the World. He literally got into bed with me ALONG with the Nutella and some honey nut peanut butter. Really, dude? After I just made your ass an awesome dinner??? MEAN, I tell ya! I had some tea instead and tried not to look at his delicious to the point of inappropriate dessert choice!

Here's the Honey Ginger Lime Glaze-- I'm trying to write down these impromptu recipe creations!

Honey Ginger Lime Glaze
JP's dinner plate (mine was a smaller portion with no rice)

3 cloves of fresh garlic smashed and chopped
Between 1/3 to 1/2 cup honey (I poured it in and am guesstimating here)
juice of one lime
1 heaping Tb of fresh chopped Ginger (*I love the tubes of Gourmet Garden-- no chopping or food processor needed. You get it in the produce section of the grocery store near the fresh herbs.)
2 Tb spicy chili garlic sauce
sprinkle of Cumin
sprinkle of crushed red pepper
sprinkle of salt
fresh chopped cilantro (to top on chicken after cooking)

Stir above ingredients to combine.

Prepare Chicken:
Preheat oven to 350.
Dry off chicken with paper towel (it browns evenly if it is dried off) and season with paprika and sea salt. (I normally use a sprinkle of Montreal Steak seasoning instead of sea salt, but I didn't have any)
Heat 1 Tb butter and 1 Tb oil in a non-stick frying pan on medium/high heat. When butter is bubbling (but not browning), put chicken in pan, seasoned side down. Sprinkle other side of chicken with paprika and salt/Montreal Steak seasoning. Do not move chicken around in pan-- let it caramelize and brown for about 6-7 minutes. Then flip over. Cook for another 6-7 minutes uncovered.
Take chicken out of pan and put on a baking sheet sprayed with some Olive oil/Pam, etc... Pour glaze over chicken and bake for 10 minutes until cooked through and glaze is bubbling. Toss some chopped, fresh cilantro on top of chicken.




  1. OMG I so want you to record my looking for my cell phone message! <3 I'm laughing so hard right now. Congrats on the glimpse of your long lost friend the abs!

  2. hahaha! Jen-- it happens to me atleast once a day! Glad you got a good laugh ( ; Now if I could just find where I put Mr. Lats and his wife Miss Oblique....