Thursday, April 26, 2012

Mistress of Master Cleanse - Day 11

Day 11.  Yup, you read it right.  On the day when I was planning to break my fast with some mouthwatering fresh squeezed orange juice and prepare for that luscious vegetable soup, I decided to, *gulp* keeeeeeeeeeeep goooooooooiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnng.  I'm aiming for a total of 20 days.  (It's safe to do the Master Cleanse for up to 40, by the way).

10 days down.  Rinse, repeat.

Cah-razy, right?  Or, maybe... not so crazy.  This cleanse has been really beneficial for me-- both mentally and physically.

Let's start with the mental part:  Have I been walking around feeling like a Greek Goddess with an enlightened soul and sunshine streaming out of my ass?  Uh, no.  Just a few days ago, I was a crazy woman squatting in a gas station bathroom without toilet paper and a seriously gnarly SHIT-UATION streaming out of my ass!  That said, there have been some very connected moments with the inner Mistress in terms of reevaluating my lifestyle.  The wine, the rich dinners, the snacking --- has all added up to major weight gain that even the most dedicated TAM routine won't shed without serious changes to my habits.

Not to freak ya'll out with some hocus pocus talk, but I swear, this cleanse has made me VERY sensitive to people's energy.  I'm not seeing the color of people's auras or anything that freaky, but I have been feeling either very drawn or very repelled by certain energies this week. There was a woman I passed in the hallway at work-- I had never seen her before, and I was so taken aback by the negativity emanating from her, I ducked into the bathroom to get away from her and that yucky energy!  It was wild.

I have also been overly sensitive to sounds (not wanting to hear the drone of TV or loud music at all) and I feel like my sense of scent is full-on Superpower level now.  Thank God I love the way Mr. Man smells--- I leaned in to kiss him today and everything about his scent is attractive to me.  I've never known someone who smelled good ALL THE TIME.  Even when he's been working outside and sweating, his musky manly smell is a huge turn on for me!

Getting though this cleanse takes major will power and mental strength.  There are temptations everywhere....This morning was a true test.  My boss brought in donuts from Sublime Donuts, just voted Best Bakery in America.  Really, dude?  I didn't even dare look into the box.  The morning meeting we have is in my producer's office-- a small space probably only 10'-12'.   Let's stuff 9 people into a room with a box of donuts and a starving girl.  Awesome.   The moment of temptation was quickly extinguished by the sweaty, morning breath stink of my co-workers--- I literally couldn't get out of that room fast enough!  Then I sucked down my mint tea like I was eating a homemade bavarian cream donut.

Now let's talk physical effects of the cleanse:  First, what you all are "weighting" for....Day 11 and down 12.5 pounds.  I'm thrilled!  I actually had to take off a pair of pants this morning because they were simply too baggy to wear to work!  Skinny jeans are still about 10 pounds away, but I am soooooo cloooooose!

I hit a plateau months ago at 160--- then put on more weight and couldn't get the scale to budge below 162 during bootcamp.  I finally hit the 150's this week!  Down to 158.4.  I consider that a huge victory.  The weight has been falling off--  finally.  I can tell I am losing some muscle, but I am also seeing some of those sculpted muscles from my months of Tracy Anderson workouts pop out from underneath the fat layer that is melting away.

The last time this happened, I kept the weight off with intense TAM workouts-- the cleanse stripped away the fat and TAM added some muscle back.  My body was rockin'!  That's the plan this time around too.

Cutting out caffeine was tough--- although I really didn't have much withdrawal as far as headaches and shakiness.  I do miss the taste of coffee, but I do not miss the restlessness it causes me at night.  I have been sleeping better than I have in YEARS.  Deep sleep without waking up a hundred times!  Lastnight I had a dream that JP and I bought a bunch of candy and brought it home.  Instead of gorging on it, I said to him in the dream, "I don't feel hungry for candy right now.  Let's save it for later."  HUH????  Those words would never come out of my mouth in real life--- really?  Save it for later?  Could it be that this cleanse is perhaps helping the Mistress find that Moderation that has eluded her for so long?  Perhaps?

Dare to dream.  HA!  Literally.

I am truly craving healthy foods now, which is fabulous.  Visions of hearty salads with chickpeas and beets, banana smoothies, juicing some kale/lemon/ginger/apple....all sounds divine.

JP has kindly taken over cooking duties for himself.  It's just too much for me to try to cook for him on this cleanse.  I almost had an anxiety attack frying up chicken for him the other night.  While I'm sure he'd be psyched to see some girl on girl action, the vision of me licking Paula Deen's plump thighs is probably not what he had in mind.  Just venturing a guess.

More tomorrow to answer some of the questions I've been getting from girls on

Do I have to do the cleanse for 10 whole days?  Can I do it for less time?  What kind of water do you use?  Do you workout on the cleanse?  

Feel free to post questions and I'll answer them in the next entry!



  1. I have been contemplating doing a cleanse because I have been overeating/feeling sick after every time I eat, craving EVERYTHING bad for me, and having cah-razy weird digestion. You are totally making me feel like I can do this Master Cleanse business! Lucky for me I am at home all day (Close to a bathroom fully stocked with toilet paper!).. but am I going to die chasing after a very mobile 8-month-old on no food/caffeine?!

    1. Kay, I can't promise the first 3 days will be easy, but once you hit Day 4, it gets much, much better. Consider it a reset to your dietary hard drive. Last time I finished this cleanse, all I craved were fresh fruits and vegetables-- I didn't want anything fried (even my beloved french fries!) Give it a try--- or start out with a raw diet for a few days and see how you feel. You can always then move into the more restrictive Master Cleanse after you've detoxed your body bit with healthy, raw food. Keep me posted! xxoo

  2. Oh girl, you crack me up! Maybe your auric sense is your super sense of scent (or thuper thense of thent, as I like to call it) kicking in? Sounds like you're picking up pheromones! It's good (I guess?) that you enjoy JP's manly musk. Jake (and both kids!) smell like wet dog when they sweat. It's not my favorite. I hope your cravings for salad and smoothies don't turn to cravings for hunting and gathering as your senses continue to heighten, LOL. Not sure if I'm happy or sad that your cooking induced pornographic food fantasies will be fewer and far between. A little of both, I guess.

    So proud of you and your drive to keep going, and elated for you that you have kicked that plateau's ass!

    1. I have so many damn recipes and pictures that I haven't posted yet....Consider me your food porn provider! Just wait till I start posting videos! ( ;

      Yeah, if you see me toting around a rifle to hunt for game, call in the authorities. Gathering salad ingredients--- prolly more my speed!

      Thanks for reading, love! xxoo

  3. Okay, had to share real quick... The super schnoz is affecting Jake as well. He said he almost threw up at PT this morning. He was running in formation, and all he could smell was the other guys' onion and garlic breath, body odor, and sweat! *hurl* I feel lucky not to have been out much this week - the only dragon breath I've smelled was my son's! HA! But neither Jake nor I have noticed each other's breath... weird.