Weighty Issues

Ever since I left home at 18, I've always been conscious about my family's comments about my weight when I come home. Invariably, there would be some acknowledgement of weight loss or gain...."Do you REALLY think you need another brownie?" "You look like you need a burger." My entire family has always been fixated on physicality and I am dreading an inevitable, "You look so HEALTHY! Read: FAT."

Being off the medication definitely makes me more aware of food, think about food, and perhaps obsess about food more than I have in years. It's been hard to drop this weight-- really hard. I realize how important it is to do it the "natural" way, but my boobs feel huge and for the first time in my life, I feel like (I HAVE) a GUT!!! When I went to get my hair done yesterday, Zavia said, "Look at you girl, so muscular!" I look like a freaking linebacker.

I haven't been on a scale in a week-- I just couldn't bear seeing those numbers. That isn't necessarily making me less vigilant in my workouts and diet, but I figure I'll get on the scale AFTER Christmas. It was making me obsess about the numbers.

I just need to keep believing in the method. And believing in ME, for that matter.

no scale, no worries....

I decided to stop getting on the scale every morning. It was giving me some major anxiety. The good news is, I feel like I've adopted a much better attitude about the whole weight loss/get in shape mantra. I have been so fixated on the numbers and the weight, that I think it's bad for my head and (my ass!) Reading Bethenny Frankel's book has re-enlightened my view that listening to your body is the most important (and most missed) part of most diet plans. Fixating on what you CAN'T eat, SHOULDN'T eat, and NEED to eat, just automatically sabotages the best intentions. I remember at my fittest, thinnest and most TAM fabulous, I was just eating what I craved in regular (unpiggy) portions-- and letting my workouts actually, well, WORK. The method works if you work it. I have been proof of that. I will get on the scale again, but not for a few days. I think I'm getting smaller everywhere (and tighter). Cardio every day-- no MS yesterday or today, but back tomorrow. I realize I'm not going to make excuses for not working out-- I'm too committed to the program now, to just simply NOT workout like I did all summer. Now, I'm going to re-focus on how it makes me feel (still LOVE DC '08!) and the body will follow!

WHOOHOO!

New Plan for Diet

Day 1: 171.8

Day 2: 170.4

Day 3: 169.4

Day 4: 167.2

Day 5: 164.8

Day 6: 167.7

Day 7: 165.7

Day 8: 164.7

Day 9: 164.4

Day 10: 166.0

Day 12: 164.4

So, still down 7.4 pounds, but had a bad day today--- ate too many chocolate chips and even snarfed down some french fries. Gross. No workout all weekend because I was suffering from major cyst pain yesterday-- and today, I was just a lazy ass. Must workout before coffee because it makes me too full and my peepee train goes choo choo too much! I'm going to try this diet for the next few days combined with one hour of TA cardio and Perfect Design:

Breakfast: Protein Shake or Egg Whites

AM Snack: 3 oz canned tuna, chicken, hard boiled egg or 10 almonds

Lunch: 6 oz chicken, turkey or fish with a half plate of low starch veggies (spinach or broccoli)

Midday Snack: 3 oz canned tuna, chicken, hard boiled egg or 10 almonds

Dinner: Protein Shake

Supplements: Ginseng, Zinc, Vitamin B-12, Chromium Picolinate, Lecithin, L-Carnitine, CoQ10.

Beginning of Day 1: 171.8

Beginning of Day 2: 170.4

Beginning of Day 3: 169.4

Beginning of Day 4: 167.2

Beginning of Day 5: 164.8

Beginning of Day 6: 167.7

Beginning of Day 7: 165.7

Beginning of Day 8: 164.7

Beginning of Day 9: 164.4

Beginning of Day 10: 166.0

UGH. Almost a 2 pound weight gain after gorging last night on gluten-filled cake and oreos....YUCK. I'm actually surprised there wasn't more of a weight gain after such a pig fest.

Today was OK diet wise-- had a piece of gluten free toast with breakfast and lunch (hardboiled egg breakfast and carrot ginger soup lunch) a handful of chocolate chips for snack and chicken for dinner with a few pieces of sausage and about 1/2 cup rice. I really wanted wine tonight but stayed strong and abstained.

I get my hair colored tomorrow at 10am which means leaving for the appt by 9:15am...To get a workout in before, I need to start by 7am. It's so hard to do the cardio AND the mat, but I have to fit it in.

Rest Day

Beginning of Day 1: 171.8

Beginning of Day 2: 170.4

Beginning of Day 3: 169.4

Beginning of Day 4: 167.2

Beginning of Day 5: 164.8

Beginning of Day 6: 167.7

Beginning of Day 7: 165.7

Beginning of Day 8: 164.7

Beginning of Day 9: 164.4

Only down .3 pounds, but it's still a loss, so I'm happy. Had a tough time with food today-- got really hungry when I was making dinner and ate way too much! AND, no workout. BOO! I'm so damn tired right now and it's 11:08pm, so I'm thinking I will try to double up on workout tomorrow. I simply have to get the workouts done early in the day or I won't do them. Now that I am not on any meds, I get tired and it's like, "Finished. Not another word, not another step, BED."

I will just consider today my "break" day. Hopefully no weight gain by morning. I'm going to make some lax tea to have before bed to combat any possibility of that!! I just want to get into the 150's by the weekend.

My tentative schedule and diet:

1 hour mat video

50-60 min of dance cardio

Breakfast: 2 hardboiled eggs or cereal with berries and almond milk

Lunch: Slimfast

Dinner: Vegetarian Soup with gluten-free bread

Snack: 2 Tb peanut butter

One Week Down and Down 7 Pounds

Beginning of Day 1: 171.8

Beginning of Day 2: 170.4

Beginning of Day 3: 169.4

Beginning of Day 4: 167.2

Beginning of Day 5: 164.8

Beginning of Day 6: 167.7

Beginning of Day 7: 165.7

Beginning of Day 8: 164.7

I'm thrilled that the last couple days of working out has given me the same, (if not more) results from just Master Cleansing. I had to listen to my body-- and it just felt more productive for me to be eating clean-- if not sparsely -- but also working out. I still have yet to do a full hour of cardio and the mat video together. Today, I've got a ton of work to do, but I will definitely be getting to the workout PRONTO. I'm convinced that gluten is at the heart of my weight and mood issues. I had 3 slices of gluten free bread yesterday and I'm still down a pound-- whoohoo!

Now, if I can just nail the NBC gig! I have a phone interview with a New York media tour agency at 10am today, so hopefully, that will bring in some work and much needed $$ as well.

Fingers crossed!

Back Down 2

Beginning of Day 1: 171.8

Beginning of Day 2: 170.4

Beginning of Day 3: 169.4

Beginning of Day 4: 167.2

Beginning of Day 5: 164.8

Beginning of Day 6: 167.7

Beginning of Day 7: 165.7

Lost 2 pounds from yesterday, Thank you LAWD. I did 3/4 of the mat workout and crashed out after a movie, and no cardio other than walking the dogs for 45 minutes. Here's the menu:

Breakfast: 2 hard boiled eggs

Lunch: Slimfast with Almond Milk

Dinner: 3 carrots, 2 pieces of gluten-free bread topped with marinara sauce (2 bites of spicy sausage).

Today so far, I've done 50 minutes of dance cardio-- I really enjoyed Dance Cardio II which I did in its entirety and then repeated the first 2 dances. Walked the dogs for 45 minutes and have eaten well so far:

Pre-workout Breakfast: 1 cup of gluten-free cereal with almond milk and a few blueberries 150

Post-workout: 1 hardboiled egg with 1 piece of gluten-free toast 300

Lunch: Slimfast with almond milk and 2 Tb organic peanut butter 400

I'm going into the news station to put together my demo, so planning on roasting some brussel sprouts before I go-- I'm still a bit hungry, I'm assuming from the exercise. I'm averaging about 850 calories right now....Going to try to keep it under 1000 today. Plus, I still have to do my mat workout.

WILL get it done! Now, if I can just keep losing 1-2 lbs per day!!!!

Back 3 steps, er 3 pounds.

Beginning of Day 1: 171.8

Beginning of Day 2: 170.4

Beginning of Day 3: 169.4

Beginning of Day 4: 167.2

Beginning of Day 5: 164.8

Beginning of Day 6: 167.7

MOTHER F**ER. My attempt to "salt water flush out" the croutons I put on top of my soup and the greasy turkey meatballs I scarfed down were unsuccessful. Nothing happened. I just basically ingested much more sodium than necessary with no results. Actually, the results were a 3 pound weight gain. DAMN. I'm convinced it's the combo of sodium and gluten-- last time I ate pizza, I had a 3 pound weight gain and the next day it was gone after a gluten-free day.

SO....back AGAIN, on the wagon, AGAIN. Still down 4 pounds in 5 full days which is still OK, but I simply have to commit to this. I'm going to amp up the workouts-- full mat video and 1 hour cardio. Diet is going to be GLUTEN-FREE and no beef or chicken. Mostly vegetarian soups and steamed veggies with the slimfast and almond milk-- daily caloric intake under 750. Still going to do the laxative tea through next week to try to get down another 10 pounds or so. I'd like to think that if I can drop the 3 pounds back down by tomorrow, and consistently keep a 1 pound weight loss per day, by next Friday, I'll be atleast sub 160!

Progress...

Beginning of Day 1: 171.8

Beginning of Day 2: 170.4

Beginning of Day 3: 169.4

Beginning of Day 4: 167.2

Beginning of Day 5: 164.8

Hallelujah! 7 pound weight loss in 5 days! AND, yesterday, I ate some scraps from JP's dinner, 2 oranges and did the Tracy Anderson mat workout. It made me more of a believer in exercise since it was the biggest drop in weight to date.

Today I actually didn't have any of the lemonade-- or haven't yet, rather. This was my menu:

Breakfast: Slimfast Shake with almond milk and ice cubes

Lunch: 2 Tb peanut butter

Dinner: Carrot soup with a handful of croutons *not gluten free ) : and 2 small turkey meatballs (not gluten free either).

Now, I am getting ready to do the mat workout and see if I can bang out atleast 45 of dance cardio and additional standing abs. I'm convinced that if I keep my calories under 1000 a day, plus the workouts, I can continue to lose weight at this pace.

The news director at NBC 4 Washington wants to see more on-camera video from me-- fingers crossed that I can meet with her next week-- and all the more motivation to keep losing! WHOO HOO!!!!

Beginning of Day 1: 171.8

Beginning of Day 2: 170.4

Beginning of Day 3: 169.4

Beginning of Day 4: 167.2

Total Loss to date: 4.6 pounds

I'm relieved there was an actual 2 pound drop from yesterday, especially after my screw up last night. If I could just keep the pace of 2 pounds per day through the end of the cleanse, I'd be looking at 151 which would be awesome. Then, kick TAM into high gear and drop another 6-- whoo hoo!!!!!