Are you there, Tracy? It's me, Muffintop

No shrinking Violet here...but definitely a shrinking Muffintop.

Are you there, Tracy? It's me, Muffintop.

My sister, Gutty McFatty and I have a big problem with you and your METHOD. You must think you're hot stuff, transforming all these chicks into teeny, tiny dancer types. Not everyone wants to be a teeny, tiny, dancer, just so ya know....Take me and Gutty, for instance. We are perfectly happy to have some cushion for the pushin' -- thank you very much! A little junk in the trunk is just how we like it. The PROBLEM, Tracy, is that you are ruining our very comfy living situation.

For the last year, we've been resting comfortably, living large, actually, on the belly and hips of one Mistress of the Method, Miss Parker. But then she decided to get all crazy and do this 30 day Bootcamp of yours. We got an eviction notice, Tracy! An eviction notice! Some dude named Abs and his buddies are moving in and we're not ready to leave!

Your bootcamp, took 3 1/2 whole inches off of Gutty and the waist muffin and 2 1/2 inches off of the hip muffin ....Now, what kind of reputation am I going to have as a shrinking Muffintop? Muffintops need to be larger than life-- (or atleast larger than your pants waist-- so all that loose, fatty skin can cascade over your too tight jeans....hot, right? We think so!)

Now you've got the Mistress doing some hideous Mat routine which is pushing us out even faster...It's just plain rude. What did we ever do to you??

So, not only are Gutty and I kicked to the curb-- we don't even have a say in the menu anymore! Gone are the days of sleeping in and eating our favorite trucker style breakfasts with fried eggs, hash browns with a double portion of bacon and sausage. Now the Mistress wants a Think Thin bar....Thinking Thin is what started us down this whole "Evict Muffin Top and her nasty sister Gutty McFatty," road. And it's just not nice. It's not!

Muffintop and McFatty Breakfast Choice

I tried to tempt the Mistress by diverting her attention from legislation at the Capitol to a plate full of delicious looking donuts on the press table. She didn't even blink. That Bee-atch just walked right on by-- and then when it was time for her to eat... you'd think she'd be ready for a Burger by now. OH NO. It was a mini-grilled chicken with cous cous and veggie salad thing. Can you get any more BORING? The Mistress is all business and no fun at all anymore.

What happened to BURGERS?

OH, Tracy. You and me. It's gonna come to blows, just you wait.

Gutty and I are looking for a new roomie....someone who can handle Big Girls with Big Muffins. This Teeny Tiny routine-- it ain't cool. Just sayin'.