Hip-ocrisy and The Plan Fails

HIP-OCRISY: [hi-pok-ruh-see]

noun, plural-sies

1. a pretense of having a virtuous diet, ability to resist bread, sweets, and/or fattening diet temptations, etc., that one does not really possess. Said temptations go directly to hips.
2. an act or instance of hip-ocrisy.

Um, yeah. Last we chatted, The Mistress and her man were going out to a lovely Italian dinner to kick off the start of The Plan. Let's Recap, shall we?

The Italian Dinner Plan, was to avoid all bread, but to partake in some wine. An even exchange, right? NOT SO MUCH. As soon as that waitress slid the steaming Italian bread basket on the table, my "avoid all bread" plan went out the window. Add a glass (or three) of some spicy Zinfandel, and the diet promises were, uh, in the wind.

There was the bread. There was the fried ravioli with cheese. There was the pasta. There was the wine. There was more bread. There was more wine. There was naming our unborn children-- a little boy named Ben and a little girl named Louise, nicknamed LuLu. How cute is LuLu???

I am not pregnant. Let me make that clear: I AM NOT PREGNANT. BUT-- there was a three pound weight gain by morning. THREE POUNDS!

But, no worries, because I was starting THE PLAN, right? RIGHT. Lord. That sounds like some crazy form of government sponsored birth control!

Breakfast called for flax granola with blueberries. So, I didn't make it to Whole Paycheck Foods to find my "gluten-free flax granola"-- but Publix had some flax granola that appeared gluten-free. Appeared is the predominant word, here. After some tasteless carrot ginger soup, a handful of pumpkin seeds and a bizarre mix of mushrooms, kale and coconut milk, I fell into bed, exhausted...unexercised and anxious, from no exercise. (The Plan calls for no exercise during the first 3 days).

This morning, the scale said: 3 POUNDS HEAVIER THAN YESTERDAY! THAT IS 6 POUNDS HEAVIER IN 2 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!

Did ya'll get that??? 6 pounds in 3 days!!!!!! That could seriously be a Baby Ben or Baby Lulu in pounds! Imaginary babies-- not so imaginary weight gain.

WTF????!!!

So, here's the deal. The Mistress is putting The Plan to bed. Did I get off to the wrong start with the bread basket and the bad granola? Totally. Could I re-charge, re-start the whole thing with the right granola and a few liver cleanse pills, which I also failed to purchase for Day 1? SURE. But ya know what? Everything I was doing before The Plan -- was working. All the stuff I was doing was working just fine!!

SHIT! I WAS DOWN 3 MORE POUNDS AND ALMOST 3 MORE INCHES!

Why did I need to start a new plan when the one I was on was working just fine???

That's the lesson here, for the Mistress...It's so easy to seek out a new plan, a new fix, a new THING.... when maybe, the thing to do is to focus on the THING that's working in the first place!

Just sayin'.

xxoo