Mistress of Master Cleanse - Days 16 & 17

I have been paying very close attention to my body during this entire cleansing process, and yesterday, this is what my body said to me:  "Bitch, it's time to stop cleansing.  If you try to drown me in 4 more days of lemons and cayenne pepper, I'm going to make sure that cellulite sticks to your ass for the next 50 years."


OK! OK!  I hear ya, sister!


I felt really out of it yesterday-- I haven't felt that bad since the worst part of my detox on Days 2 & 3.  I had a gnawing headache and was extremely low on patience.  I made a careless error in my story that my editor caught, but it was definitely due to being distracted by feeling so crappy.  I literally read and re-read through my work afterwards because I got paranoid that I'd forgotten something major!

By the time I got home, I knew I was done.  It was time.  I consider it a total victory to have gotten through 16 whole days!

So, today, Day 17, I slowly started my ease out of the lemonade fast.  That meant a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice...Sweet Jesus.  It tasted like Nectar of the Gods, it was so sweet and rich!  I squeezed two oranges and tried to just sip it.  (Notice from the pic how little juice there actually was, but it was worth every drop.)  Gone in about 6 seconds flat.  I also squeezed a grapefruit and had some of the pulp as a snack around noon.  That was almost as divine as the orange!  Tonight, a little more orange juice and pulp.  Here's the pic I snapped when I unpacked my breakfast and lunch at work.  It's crazy how much this little bit of sustenance filled my belly up!  I have truly, recalibrated my appetite and my cravings.

Fresh Squeezed OJ Breakfast and Grapefruit Lunch

On a normal 10 day cycle of the Master Cleanse, the second ease out day would involve vegetable soup, but since I went a week longer, I will do another day of orange and grapefruit juice tomorrow and then make a veggie soup the following day.

Mister Master Cleanse decided he'd had enough too, but instead of opting for orange juice, he decided to make guacamole and stuff rotisserie chicken into corn tortillas.  Dude lost 9 pounds in 5 days!  I wanted to lick his plate, it looked so damn good.  I was kind of hating on him for eating before I could, but who could blame him?  He lasted way longer than I thought he would.  It was fun to bond over our lemonade and tea each day!

As good as his post-cleanse meal looked, to be honest, I really haven't been craving meat at all--- in fact, it's very bizarre, but the two things I have consistently been thinking about, especially this last week are (get ready for this strange combo) garbanzo beans and sweet green peas!  Weird, huh?  We went to Whole Foods last night and the selection was a little overwhelming, so I made a bee-line for the canned vegetable/bean section and bought 2 cans of each.  I know, I know, you're all probably thinking, "17 days of no food and now you want canned peas?  Gross!"  I'm not sure how to explain it!

Mistress of Many Peas: Chick Peas and Sweet Peas

So, I'm down 17 pounds!  I'm so excited!  While the BF was noshing on his guac, I decided to try on everything in my closet.  Everything.  I don't know about how it is in your closet, but I have the fat jeans, the skinny jeans....and then there are the REALLY SKINNY jeans.  I pulled out the REALLY SKINNY jeans.  Just to remind myself why I shouldn't tear into a corn tortilla at that very moment.  

Holy Skinny.  THEY FIT!  Did ya hear that????  THEY FIT!!!!!

Not like, slipping into loose pants, kind of fit, but they buttoned up just fine and I didn't need to grease up my legs to try to slide into them....(learned that trick in Jr. High!)  Miss Muffin Top and her nasty ass sister, Gutty McFatty were NOWHERE in sight.  It was a beautiful thing.

I promise, I will take pics this weekend to prove it! 

I will leave you tonight with an absolutely hilarious video about the Master Cleanse from the website www.funnyordie.com, one of my favorite comedy sources!  

xxoo

Master Cleanse - watch more funny videos