Muffin Tops and Your Inner Bitch

 Mirror vs. Minds-Eye: Miss Muffin Top

Lovelies,

The above pic is what I've been seeing every time I look in the mirror.  And that's not such a pretty sight.  The problem is two-fold: My exaggerated minds-eye has been playing tricks and distorting my view of myself.  (Don't get me wrong, Miss Muffin Top and her nasty ass sister, Gutty McFatty are lounging on my waistline like it's some kind of island retreat), but the negative image I'm creating is absolutely sabotaging my progress.  I'm convinced that having a negative body image is literally like a magnet for fat.  The longer you hate yourself for your diet failures and that extra 5 or 15 or 50 pounds, the harder it is going to be lose the weight for good.

You've been on this journey with me and you've watched me yo-yo through one diet fix to the next and what's been the end result?  I gain it back (and more) every time.  And the more I gain, the worse I feel and the more horrible that Muffin Top looks in the mirror.

Intuitively, I know that consistency with both diet and exercise is the only long-term solution, but I'm impatient and cranky and pissed that I can't seem to find a foodie lifestyle that works for me.  I'm practically a professional Chef, damnit!  How is that I don't have the ability to come up with a low-fat menu that is delicious and can help in my weight loss efforts??!!

There I go....beating myself up again.

For the first time in my entire life, I'm literally trying to channel a different, kinder inner voice.  You know the voice that is the bitch on your shoulder telling you how much cottage cheese is on your thighs in the dressing room mirror when you're bathing suit shopping?  Or the tramp who calls you a fat ass when you eat that fourth slice of pizza and then urges you to pull out the ice-cream since you're on a calorie bender anyway?

You know her.  We all do.

Lookout, cuz I'll cut that bitch!  She is also on my persona non grata list along with Muffy and Gutty.

Lately, I'm trying to coax the nicer, gentler inner voice of compassion and encouragement who says, "Come on, honey, it's time to wake up!" when the alarm goes off at F*ck You 5am in the morning....The voice who says, "You did great tonight by not drinking any wine or going back for seconds!"

The voice who says, "YOU CAN DO THIS, GURRRLL."

Whenever Badmuthafucka decides he needs to change something in his life, he calls it using his "Jedi Mind Trick"....basically psyching yourself into believing whatever it is that is going to help you improve, learn, get better, concentrate, etc...  So I am officially Jedi Mind Tricking myself into believing:

1. I will eventually reach my fitness goals-- it just may not happen as quickly or easily as I'd like it to.
2. I am strong, intelligent and capable.  The only person standing in the way of my goals is ME.  So getthefuckouttatheway and MAKE IT HAPPEN. (That was said in my NICE inner voice, by the way.)

I am not going to give up the scale, but I'm not living and dying by the number either.  One day of eating like shit and drinking a bunch of wine can set me back 3 days in weight loss, but I have to accept that I simply don't have the metabolism I used to.  I also realize that I've got to make sacrifices in certain areas.  Want wine?  Pass on dessert.  Want seconds of dinner?  Do extra cardio.

Lately, I'm incorporating some interval training into my TAM routine.  A girlfriend who is a trainer explained that this isn't HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) because the rest periods aren't longer than the bursts of exercise, but this is what I've been doing. I make up 10 exercise sequences of 2 minutes each with a 30 second rest in-between.  You name it-- jumping jacks, cheerleading jumps, (Oh yes, the Mistress rocked that cheerleading skirt back in the late 90's, haaaaaaay!!!)  and even 2 minute sequences of my favorite dance cardio routines.  So, basically 10 sequences (2 minutes each with 30 second breaks) averages out to 25 minutes.  I am literally soaked with sweat after one of these routines.  I do it out by the pool in my backyard where there is a cement patio with lots of space.  Here's what it looked like yesterday:

Skip sideways (alternating sides) 2 minutes
30 second rest
Jog 2 minutes
30 second rest
Dance Cardio routine #2 from DC '08 for 2 minutes
30 second rest
Jumping jacks 2 minutes
30 second rest
Touch ground- jump up high - touch ground for 2 minutes
30 second rest
Hamelin style grapevine with high knees up for 2 minutes
30 second break
Step up/Step down off diving board for 2 minutes
30 second break
Dance Cardio routine #4 from Beginner Dance Cardio for 2 minutes
30 second break
Sprint 2 minutes
30 second break
Bootcamp Dance Cardio #1 for 2 minutes

It goes by sooooo fast and really gets your heart rate up!  I love it and it's a nice break from the same ol' dance cardio I'm really sick of.  I like incorporating a few of the dances into the sequences-- it breaks it up enough to not be bored and yet I still feel like I'm getting a little dancing in.

It also, well, makes me HAPPY.  One of my fave FB girls recently reminded me that exercise should make you feel good, lift you up emotionally--- not the opposite. I'm looking forward to my workouts again.....and I have a sneaking suspicion, I will start to see results again because of that connection.

Sweaty and Happy after my Interval workout!

As far as diet goes, I've actually been doing pretty well this week.  Instead of munching on gluten-free chips, (which are delish) but also calorie dense, I've been bringing baggies of baby carrots. It gives me the mouth feel I love as far as crunchy and sweet, and they keep me filled up between meals.

Breakfast has been alternating between pineapple cottage cheese with berries, a few crushed pecans and cinnamon or a protein shake.

Better than the cottage cheese on my thighs!

I made this dish for BMF, which I dubbed the "Freggin' Awesome Breakfast"-- 2 sunny side up eggs on corn tortillas with jalapenos, cherry tomatoes and cilantro.  (I had a plain hard boiled egg with a piece of gluten free toast!)

FrEGGin' Awesome!

And this has been lunch most days-- grilled chicken on butter lettuce with cherry tomatoes, cucumber and a bit of balsamic vinegar.  Not the most exciting lunch, but not horrible either.  I made some of the Beauty Detox Solution's Probiotic & Enzyme salad which is basically rotting, fermented cabbage a healthy topping to your regular salad but haven't tried it yet.  It's, um, still fermenting....

Grilled Chicken Salad

So, I leave you with a reminder to be kind to yourselves....to remember that we must have patience and self-love to truly get to that "happy place" with our bodies and that "sweet spot" with our diets....(Although that sweet spot on my body is a happy place for Badmuthafucka, but I digress!)

Lots of Love,

Mistress of Many Voices in her head....Master of the NICE one.

xxoo