Supplements for Better Health

Many of you have asked about my post-cleanse routine, and in addition to juicing and cutting out a number of allergy-inducing foods (soy, dairy, eggs, peanuts, corn and pork), I have added some supplements to my daily routine. This is what I'm taking and why:

Co-enzyme Q 10: This is a metabolic stimulant that (allegedly) helps facilitate weight loss-- especially useful when you feel fatigued. 30 mg per day.

Lecithin: To utilize body fats and promote heart health. 1200 mg/day

Chromium Picolinate: To regulate blood sugar swings.  800 mcg per day.

L-Carnitine: To control blood sugar levels and boost metabolism. 1000 mg/day

B-Complex: To metabolize carbs and proteins.  50-100 mg per day.

Zinc: Studies have shown that women who've suffered from eating disorders have been deficient in zinc.  It is supposed to help with compulsive eating.  50 mg/day

Wheat Grass: I took this during the Master Cleanse to help suppress my appetite-- and found that it works!  It provides a great boost in energy, as well. 5000 mg/day

I've also been experimenting with raw/vegan recipes for the first time ever.  I tried this incredible recipe for "Chovocado Pudding" and Fell.  In.  Love.  It's GOOD.  Like, "I wanna rub this all over my body and think dirty thoughts," kind of good.  Oh yeah.  I added some cinnamon to make it a bit more like a Mexican Chocolate dessert.  OMG.  Major Yum.  This is what it looked like when I was all done with mixing and tasting, and tasting some more!

"Chovocado" Pudding

I am so grateful that JP has gotten on the "get healthy" train with me!  He has been waking up every morning and juicing for us--- my favorite so far is more vegetable based:  kale, carrots, zucchini, apple, pears, lemon, ginger and orange.  DELISH!  Badmuthafucka even has been going grocery shopping for me while I'm at work and stocking the fridge with fresh fruits and vegetables!

Fruit & Veggie Fridge!

(By the way, we have what we call "The Dengerator" for meat, etc... in our den!)

Workouts have been great this week...I've been alternating between Dance Cardio '08 and Bootcamp Cardio and doing the original Mat DVD almost every day-- (well, more like every OTHER day.)  I'm going to be staring the Hamelin D'Abell Method Challenge I starting June 1st.  If you want to join in check out my Mistress of the Method 10 Day Challenge on Facebook!

I'm also working on a cleanse of my own for all of you Lovelies and my Edible Heart personal chef clients.  It's going to involve eating raw throughout the day and lean protein/veggies at night.  There will be delicious juice recipes to start the day and decadent chocolate recipes for snacks and dessert!  More on that soon.....

xxoo

Post-Cleanse Update: Juice is the New Black

The Mistress is Baaaaaaaaaack!

I have been, well, unplugged, shall we say, since my trip to California.  It was some much needed time away from the computer, away from Facebook, even away from my phone for a while.... and a couple weeks when JP didn't have to nag me with, "Are you blogging/texting/Facebook messaging/tweeting AGAIN???!"


So here's the lowdown on life post-cleanse and post-vacation...

Let's start with The Bod:

Since I'm a reporter, I won't, uh, bury the lead, as they say....Here are the stats:

During the Master Cleanse, I lost 16 pounds and 9 inches, getting down to my lowest weight in over a year, and 8 pounds away from my goal weight of 145!

Since the beginning of my journey to health, here are the numbers from January to May:
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 176.6  ... 153
Right Thigh: 23 1/2" ... 21"
Left Thigh: 23 1/2" ... 21"
Right Calf: 15 1/2" ... 14"
Left Calf:  15 1/2" ... 14"
Hips: 41 1/2" ... 38"
Waist: 33 1/2" ... 29"
Butt Length: 17" ... 15"
Cheek Height: 9" ... 6 1/2"
Bust: 39" ... 35"
Left Arm: 12" ... 11"
Right Arm: 12" ... 11"

Total Weight Lost: 23.6 pounds
Inches Lost: 26.5"

Here are some recent pics to show you my progress.  Note the blue pants that I found at a thrift store several months ago.  On the day I finished bootcamp, I tried them on and realized they were FAR from fitting...as in, I couldn't even button them up!  Fast forward to 2 months of Perfect Design series and 3 weeks of cleansing....and tah-dah!

Too tight pants in February

Perfect Fit in May!

One of the best parts of losing weight is going shopping for new clothes.  I definitely have not discarded all of my "fat clothes," but anything above a size 8 has been pushed to the back of the closet!  I hit the mall for a few new things....This is what I've added to my wardrobe:

Wrap Dress from Banana Republic

Pencil Skirt with Ruffled Blouse, Banana Republic

Red Patent Leather Belt, Macy's

Red Patent Leather Shoes, DSW

OK, so here's the crazy thing...Not only have I lost weight and inches, I've actually shrunk an entire SHOE SIZE!  I've been wearing a size 11 shoe for almost 2 years.  All of the sudden, my shoes are too big!  The shiny new heels I bought, were a 10!  11 was falling off me!  Wild.

The other positive has been my skin--- I swear, this health spree has taken years off my face!  This pic was snapped a few days ago and I have minimal make-up on.  No blemishes, no visible lines or pores!  This old bat is turning 37 in a couple weeks...Not bad, eh?

Noxema Girl Wannabe in a Van at a Gas Station

The Diet:

In California, there was indulgence, indulging and even some over-indulging.  I don't regret one moment of the deliciousness!  Fortunately, my weight has only fluctuated by 3-5 pounds, even with copious amounts of wine, sushi, tacos and dark chocolate mochas on vacation!  

Since coming back to reality, I've been disciplined about sticking to an anti-allergy diet, which cuts out  gluten, corn, dairy, soy, eggs and caffeine.  I have also permanently cut out pork and drastically reduced my red meat intake.

JP and I have been using our juicer every day....JP is now officially the Juice Pimp.  To see this big dude (well, not so big anymore, since he's lost 20 pounds, himself!) standing there juicing pineapple, kale, lemons, carrots and whatever else he throws in there, is truly a sight to behold!  JP makes a big batch in the morning for both of us.  These are my 2 favorites so far:

Beet, Carrot, Apple, Ginger & Lemon 

Kale, Apple, Lemon & Ginger

We both have been sipping on the juice all day and it is amazing how satisfying and energizing it is!  JP calls it Juice Crack... Screw coffee and bring on the juice, pimp!  Juice really is the new black, bee-atches...try it!  And, I love drinking my juice out of a margarita glass because it makes me feel like I'm getting a buzz on healthy.

Now if we can just save up for a Vitamix Blender so we can start doing the real deal-- smoothies with kale, spinach and all sorts of pulpy fruit!  JP actually re-juices the pulp to get the most out of it, but it's not quite the same nutritionally speaking.

Here's what a typical day of food is for me:

Breakfast: Veggie/Fruit Juice (continuing to sip it throughout the day)

Mid-Morning: Half-grapefruit

Lunch: Chickpea Salad

Mid-Afternoon: Almonds and a small piece of dark chocolate

Dinner: Lean protein (chicken, shrimp, turkey, fish) with veggies

I still struggle with dinner portions, but it's been helping me to pack up leftovers before I serve dinner, so there's less food to snack on after the first plate is wolfed down!  I'm trying to do only minimal tasting during cooking which is still tough, but I'm getting better at it.  We have also definitely reduced our weekly wine intake (vacation aside).  Gone are the Monday through Sunday wine guzzling sessions!  That just leads to empty calories and "eating while buzzed," which should be a felony.

The Workout:

I didn't do much working out on vacation, but have kicked it into high gear since coming home.  I'm going old school Tracy--- rocking out her Dance Cardio '08 and the original Mat video.  See proof below:

TAM Sweat Fest

On June 1st, I'm going to start the Hamelin D'Abell 3 Week Challenge.  Lots of TAM'ers have been "cheating" on Tracy with Hamelin... He has a similar philosophy-- light weights, accessory muscle focus, etc...Here's a sneak peak of his cardio-- it's lower impact than dance cardio, but still effective, from what I can tell.  I love that he incorporates light hand weights into the cardio work.

To sum up, lovelies, I feel better now than I have in years....I have more energy, (and positive energy at that!) more confidence, more joie de vivre!  Getting healthy has not only improved my life, it has taken my relationship with JP to a whole new level as well.  We've been inspiring each other to continue to eat healthy and exercise--- there is more love between us after four years together than I thought possible.  We are SO talking babies.

Life is pretty awesome.

xxoo

On Vacae in Cali...

Lovelies,

I was hoping to blog before my California vacation about my post-cleanse status, my fabulously "clean" bod and post some new pics.....but I got distracted and tied up with all of the planning that goes into vacation preps--- from getting the dogs boarded to resetting my house alarm!

Much more to come after my trip....in the meantime, this is the view I'm enjoying from Malibu today.  Not bad, eh?

Much Love,

The (newly anointed) Mistress of Malibu

xxoo

Mistress of Master Cleanse - Days 16 & 17

I have been paying very close attention to my body during this entire cleansing process, and yesterday, this is what my body said to me:  "Bitch, it's time to stop cleansing.  If you try to drown me in 4 more days of lemons and cayenne pepper, I'm going to make sure that cellulite sticks to your ass for the next 50 years."


OK! OK!  I hear ya, sister!


I felt really out of it yesterday-- I haven't felt that bad since the worst part of my detox on Days 2 & 3.  I had a gnawing headache and was extremely low on patience.  I made a careless error in my story that my editor caught, but it was definitely due to being distracted by feeling so crappy.  I literally read and re-read through my work afterwards because I got paranoid that I'd forgotten something major!

By the time I got home, I knew I was done.  It was time.  I consider it a total victory to have gotten through 16 whole days!

So, today, Day 17, I slowly started my ease out of the lemonade fast.  That meant a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice...Sweet Jesus.  It tasted like Nectar of the Gods, it was so sweet and rich!  I squeezed two oranges and tried to just sip it.  (Notice from the pic how little juice there actually was, but it was worth every drop.)  Gone in about 6 seconds flat.  I also squeezed a grapefruit and had some of the pulp as a snack around noon.  That was almost as divine as the orange!  Tonight, a little more orange juice and pulp.  Here's the pic I snapped when I unpacked my breakfast and lunch at work.  It's crazy how much this little bit of sustenance filled my belly up!  I have truly, recalibrated my appetite and my cravings.

Fresh Squeezed OJ Breakfast and Grapefruit Lunch

On a normal 10 day cycle of the Master Cleanse, the second ease out day would involve vegetable soup, but since I went a week longer, I will do another day of orange and grapefruit juice tomorrow and then make a veggie soup the following day.

Mister Master Cleanse decided he'd had enough too, but instead of opting for orange juice, he decided to make guacamole and stuff rotisserie chicken into corn tortillas.  Dude lost 9 pounds in 5 days!  I wanted to lick his plate, it looked so damn good.  I was kind of hating on him for eating before I could, but who could blame him?  He lasted way longer than I thought he would.  It was fun to bond over our lemonade and tea each day!

As good as his post-cleanse meal looked, to be honest, I really haven't been craving meat at all--- in fact, it's very bizarre, but the two things I have consistently been thinking about, especially this last week are (get ready for this strange combo) garbanzo beans and sweet green peas!  Weird, huh?  We went to Whole Foods last night and the selection was a little overwhelming, so I made a bee-line for the canned vegetable/bean section and bought 2 cans of each.  I know, I know, you're all probably thinking, "17 days of no food and now you want canned peas?  Gross!"  I'm not sure how to explain it!

Mistress of Many Peas: Chick Peas and Sweet Peas

So, I'm down 17 pounds!  I'm so excited!  While the BF was noshing on his guac, I decided to try on everything in my closet.  Everything.  I don't know about how it is in your closet, but I have the fat jeans, the skinny jeans....and then there are the REALLY SKINNY jeans.  I pulled out the REALLY SKINNY jeans.  Just to remind myself why I shouldn't tear into a corn tortilla at that very moment.  

Holy Skinny.  THEY FIT!  Did ya hear that????  THEY FIT!!!!!

Not like, slipping into loose pants, kind of fit, but they buttoned up just fine and I didn't need to grease up my legs to try to slide into them....(learned that trick in Jr. High!)  Miss Muffin Top and her nasty ass sister, Gutty McFatty were NOWHERE in sight.  It was a beautiful thing.

I promise, I will take pics this weekend to prove it! 

I will leave you tonight with an absolutely hilarious video about the Master Cleanse from the website www.funnyordie.com, one of my favorite comedy sources!  

xxoo

Master Cleanse - watch more funny videos

Mistress of Master Cleanse - Day 15

Holy Shnikes.  I can't believe this is the THIRD Monday I've been at work and haven't had solid food.  Day 15 for me and Day 3 for Mister Master Cleanse!  We were joking this weekend about our new routine:  Get up. Poop.  Drink tea/salt water flush.  Poop.  Sip Lemonade.  Poop.  Drink tea.  Poop.

Lots of shit goin' on this weekend!  We had a really relaxing couple days together, lounging by the pool and just laughing ourselves silly.  Early Saturday evening, JP suggested we go out.  Normally, that would involve eating or boozing, neither of which was on the cleanse agenda, so instead, we entertained ourselves with a drive around town and a trip to Stone Mountain.  We walked around, taking in the beautiful sights and basked in absolutely perfect weather.  We both wore hats and appropriately dubbed ourselves, "The Hattersons."

I've never felt so happy, so healthy and so in love!  It is an amazing feeling....sublime, really.

I texted JP from work today to find out if he was detoxing at all....Day 3 for me was horrible.  Um, nope.  "I feel great!" he texts back.  I told him he was a Viking Warrior God-- who else feels fabulous on Day 3 of the Master Cleanse?  It's unheard of.  It's also why someday he's gonna be my Baby Daddy!

I got home and the Bad Muthafucka cup now bears an additional title:

BadMuthafuckaVikingWarriorGod (if anyone's asking!)

Tons of you have contacted me through Facebook for information about the Master Cleanse, so I'm going to do my best to answer your questions--- some of which are drawn from my own experience, others are from Master Cleanse experts (yes, there are people who have made a career from advising about the cleanse-- there are actually Master Cleanse Coaches, which I discovered during an online fact finding mission!)


1. Why should I do the Master Cleanse?
To put it bluntly, our bodies are filled with a ton of garbage that we can't digest and it just ends up sitting around, rotting inside us.  A thick plaque clings to the insides of our intestines, preventing nutrients from being absorbed.  Some people have a whopping 20 pounds of this dense fecal matter clinging to their insides.  That matter is a breeding ground for bacteria and if you don't remove it, it starts to poison you.

This is where the detox comes in.  A detoxification diet gives your body a fresh start-- a reset to your dietary hard drive.  Doing this will make you healthier and will:

• Lead to increased energy levels
• Help you break junk food/sugar addiction
• Cleanse the body of harmful toxins
• Promote weight loss with a more efficient metabolism
• Strengthen your immune system and protect against disease

In order to properly detoxify and "flush" the body, the Master Cleanse must be followed strictly for 3 to 10 days. (If you're more advanced, you can stay on for longer, but for those of you doing the cleanse for the first time, it is advised to only go the maximum 10 day stretch.)

I can personally attest to the benefits I have experienced.  I will never know for sure if the cleanse is partly to thank for getting rid of my ovarian cyst, but I think it helped.  My Athlete's Foot cleared up as well as my infected nail cuticles!  I'm down more than 15 pounds and feel like I look 5 years younger.  I swear, my wrinkles are disappearing!

The Master cleanse is extremely effective dealing with acne and other skin conditions.

2. What is the Master Cleanse recipe?

Single Serving:
10 oz filtered water
2 Tb Grade B Maple Syrup
2 Tb lemon juice (approx 1/2 a lemon)
1/10 tsp of cayenne pepper

Daily Serving:
60 oz filtered water
12 Tb Grade B Maple Syrup
12 Tb lemon juice (approx 3 lemons)
1/2 tsp cayenne

Lemon juice MUST BE FRESH squeezed.  Do not use the bottle you can get in the grocery store that says "fresh squeezed."  Buy whole lemons.  I squeeze them by hand, but you can use a juicer too.

The cayenne pepper is absolutely necessary to help break up mucus and increase healthy blood flow.  It's also a source of B and C vitamins.

Only use GRADE B maple syrup.  No Aunt Jemima!  Grade B maple syrup provides a much needed source of carbs and energy during the cleanse-- it's the only element of your daily drink that has calories.  If you want to lose more weight, you can put less syrup in your lemonade, but do not eliminate it.

2 Laxatives are also used on the Master Cleanse:

• Salt Water Flush (4 cups of water with 2 teaspoons of UNIODIZED sea salt dissolved.)  Ideally the SWF should be taken in the morning on an empty stomach.   Warm water is gentler on the system and helps flush mucus out of your digestive tract.  The flush creates a liquid-y poop that is mostly water.  It takes between 15-45 minutes once you drink it to take effect.  Stay near the bathroom!  If you can't tolerate it, you can opt for only using the tea, once in the morning and once before bed.

• Herbal Laxative Tea: I use Smooth Move (chocolate flavor is my favorite!)  Best taken before bed (I add a teaspoon of maple syrup in to sweeten it a bit).  Do not over-steep the tea, or the senna leaf in the tea can cause bad cramping and uncomfortable eliminations.  It usually takes 4-8 hours for the tea to take effect.  Eliminations are more solid than the salt water flush poops.

3. Can I exercise on the Master Cleanse?

If you exercise regularly, you should either take some time off or cut out any vigorous exercise.  Your body will be taxed when you go on the Master Cleanse.  As the cleanse starts to work, your body begins eliminating waste and toxins and you'll most likely feel exhausted and depleted.  Do not push your body to do anything strenuous.  Many people enjoy walks and light yoga or stretching while they're cleansing.  The most exercise I've done on this cleanse is daily 30 minute walks with the doggies.

4. How much weight will I lose?
Weight loss is the added bonus of the Master Cleanse.  It should not be your primary goal.  Beyonce famously lost 20 pounds on the cleanse before she started filming Dream Girls, but average weight loss for women is about a pound a day....so after the 10 days, a 10 pound weight loss is average.  Guys tend to lose a bit more.  But, remember, the weight only comes off if you have it to lose.  For those people who are already thin and fit, you may not lose any weight-- or a minimal amount.  Most people gain back about half the weight.  The last time I had success on the Master Cleanse, I kept the weight off by jump starting a 90 minute Tracy Anderson routine 6x per week.

5. Can I take my prescription medications or vitamins while doing the Master Cleanse?
The Master cleanse works best when you let your body cleanse without any added chemicals or supplements.  That said, it would be irresponsible to stop taking certain medications, so check with your doctor first.  I did several successful cleanses while I continued to take Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant.  A cleanse may also help you detox from prescription medications if you are weaning yourself off, but it is very important to consult with a medical professional before doing so.  Your body may not react positively to the "stress" of a cleanse if you are just getting off medications.  Everybody is different.

6. Is there anything I can do about the intense hunger I'm feeling on the cleanse?
On advice from Master Cleanse expert, Raylen Sterling, I take Wheat Grass pills which provide a source of protein, otherwise lacking on the Master Cleanse.  They help sooooo much!  He also suggests using Hoodi-Thin, an all-natural appetite suppressant.  I have not used Hoodi-Thin, but the main ingredient is Hoodia Gordonii, an African plant that suppresses appetite.  There are a ton of fake Hoodia products on the market so Hoodi-Thin is recommended because it is certified, genuine Hoodia.  If you stick with the cleanse beyond Day 3, your hunger truly disappears.  It is a huge reminder how powerful "emotional hunger" is.

7.  What is the secret to successfully completing the 10 days?
People have been asking me this over and over since I started posting about the Master Cleanse.  There are 2 things I can tell you:  The first is to think of your lemonade drink as an IV, with a constant drip, continually "feeding" you all day.  I heat up my lemonade and sip it like tea throughout the day.  Sometimes I put a caffeine free tea bag in and make it more like a lemonade/tea drink.  People who gulp down a glass every few hours run the risk of their blood sugar getting low and thus getting hungry.  If you go out to run errands, make sure you pack your drink to take with you!  I got caught without my lemonade and ended up in a parking lot cutting up lemons in my car!

The second, most important element of success is to CONNECT with your mind and body during this process.  We are constantly battling our bodies, berating these beautiful portals -- our physical vessels that protect our vital organs and continue to heal when we damage ourselves with negativity, junk food, destructive behavior, etc... I posted this earlier on, but want to remind you all what I have been repeating to myself daily:

Dear Body,

You have been my vessel of strength and stability for the last 36 years....You have healed broken bones; you have repaired the damage I have inflicted on you with years of wear, tear and abuse; you have brought me to the finish line of marathons; you have helped me stay in motion and have also taught me stillness; you have filled me with the endorphins of natural ecstasies that inspire me and flushed me of toxins that sicken me; you have renewed my spirit with energy and purpose....I give you permission to let go of negative energy, to shed the skin of excess and impulse. For all of this, I will embrace you, honor you and love you with healthy choices to the best of my ability.

And for that, my lovelies, I think I've earned a cup title of my own:

xxoo

Mistress of Master Cleanse - Days 12 & 13

Remember that last post when I said that I wasn't exactly walking around feeling like a Greek Goddess with an enlightened soul and sunshine streaming out of my ass?    Well, yesterday, I felt like a Greek Goddess with an enlightened soul and sunshine streaming out of my ass!

I had an early morning OB-GYN appointment for a sonogram to check out the cyst that was discovered on my left ovary in October.  Back then, I didn't have health insurance and made an appointment anyway because I was in so much intense pain.  The doctor immediately spotted the cyst and explained that it was "complex"-- meaning it was filled with more than just fluid, and that judging from the size of it, I would most likely not only need surgery to remove it, they would have to take out my entire left ovary.

I had surgery to remove a large cyst back in 2001, so I'm familiar with the process-- it's not a serious procedure, but thinking about spending $15,000 out of pocket to remove my ovary was out of the realm of possibility.  I was job hunting and figured I would wait until I had benefits again to schedule surgery.

In the meantime, I consulted with a friend of mine, Dee Ragin, who is a wellness coach, fitness instructor and resident Diva of Holistic Solutions.  She suggested I cut out gluten to help eradicate the cyst.  It was the first time I heard that gluten may be related to the growth of ovarian cysts.  I had already been having issues with gluten giving me digestion issues, so it made sense to make the change.  I noticed a difference in the level of pain almost immediately-- and after a few months, I stopped having cyst pain altogether.

Fast forward to yesterday, I'm watching the sonogram and the technician points to the screen to show me my left ovary.  She literally had to look back at the paperwork to make sure she was looking at the correct ovary and then said, "Wow, Parker-- there's no sign of a cyst at all!"

The cyst is completely gone!  I credit the gluten free diet and this cleanse for getting rid of any trace of that big 'ol cyst.  I am over the moon, I'm so happy!

Guess I have being broke to thank for the fact that I didn't have that surgery--- I feel so incredibly lucky and beaming with health right now!  My fertility levels also came back completely normal, so according to the doctor, I shouldn't have any problems getting pregnant when JP and I start trying next year. ( ;

AND, that dreaded doctor's office scale showed an 18 pound weight loss since my last visit 2 months ago!  (I'm officially down 13 pounds since starting the Master Cleanse).

I posted this pic on Facebook yesterday-- I snapped it in the doctor's office bathroom in my favorite pink pants which were still snug after bootcamp and are now officially loose!

The other thing that has healed for me since starting the Master Cleanse is a chronic case of Athlete's Foot.  I suppose I have my sweaty dance cardio sessions to thank for that-- but an itchy, nasty rash has plagued me for nearly 3 months.  No amount of cream, spray or soaking has gotten rid of it.  Now that we're pushing 80 degrees in Atlanta, I was starting to get nervous about ever sporting open toed shoes again!  

When I was putting my shoes on yesterday, I realized that the entire rash on my feet is GONE.  No more itchy, bumpy, scabbing mess.  Athlete's Foot is officially cleared up!  It is truly amazing what this cleanse is doing for my body.

It's Day 13 today and I feel phenomenal!  I was shocked to come home last night and hear the news from JP that he wants to join me on the cleanse.  This is a 6 foot 3, 240 pound dude who tears into cereal, Nutella and popcorn an hour after he's had 3 helpings of my decadent meal du jour!  Feeding him is one of my greatest pleasures....

So, Mister Master Cleanse, as he shall now be known as, cracks me up.  We went to Whole Foods last night to get lemons, Grade B maple syrup and Smooth Move tea.  He looked into the food-free cart and was like, "Um, is this it?"  'Fraid so, honey!

Note to anyone starting this cleanse, Smooth Move Herbal tea works best, and we just tried the chocolate flavor--- it's da bomb, just sayin'.  I mean, it ain't a mocha with whipped cream, but the chocolate flavor comes through and you don't taste the bitterness of the senna in the tea as much.

This is JP's Bad Muthafucka Cup.  He drinks everything in it--- from protein shakes to Cabernet!  (And if you're wondering, that's a cup from the Dollar Store that he wrote on with a magic marker.  Oh yeah.  That's we roll!)  So, naturally, the BMF cup is what I put his salt water flush in.  You should have seen the expression on his face when he tasted it:  "This tastes like ocean water!  Parker, you could die from drinking that much salt water."

Yes, dear.  Now drink up like the Bad Muthafucka you are!

After his first bathroom trip, he officially named his cup the Bowel Movement Flush Cup.  I was on the floor cracking up!

We are currently lounging by our pool sipping spicy lemonade and listening to reggae.  Life is Officially GOOD.

It's more than GOOD.  It's pretty freakin' awesome.

xxoo

Mistress of Master Cleanse - Day 11

Day 11.  Yup, you read it right.  On the day when I was planning to break my fast with some mouthwatering fresh squeezed orange juice and prepare for that luscious vegetable soup, I decided to, *gulp* keeeeeeeeeeeep goooooooooiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnng.  I'm aiming for a total of 20 days.  (It's safe to do the Master Cleanse for up to 40, by the way).

10 days down.  Rinse, repeat.

Cah-razy, right?  Or, maybe... not so crazy.  This cleanse has been really beneficial for me-- both mentally and physically.

Let's start with the mental part:  Have I been walking around feeling like a Greek Goddess with an enlightened soul and sunshine streaming out of my ass?  Uh, no.  Just a few days ago, I was a crazy woman squatting in a gas station bathroom without toilet paper and a seriously gnarly SHIT-UATION streaming out of my ass!  That said, there have been some very connected moments with the inner Mistress in terms of reevaluating my lifestyle.  The wine, the rich dinners, the snacking --- has all added up to major weight gain that even the most dedicated TAM routine won't shed without serious changes to my habits.

Not to freak ya'll out with some hocus pocus talk, but I swear, this cleanse has made me VERY sensitive to people's energy.  I'm not seeing the color of people's auras or anything that freaky, but I have been feeling either very drawn or very repelled by certain energies this week. There was a woman I passed in the hallway at work-- I had never seen her before, and I was so taken aback by the negativity emanating from her, I ducked into the bathroom to get away from her and that yucky energy!  It was wild.

I have also been overly sensitive to sounds (not wanting to hear the drone of TV or loud music at all) and I feel like my sense of scent is full-on Superpower level now.  Thank God I love the way Mr. Man smells--- I leaned in to kiss him today and everything about his scent is attractive to me.  I've never known someone who smelled good ALL THE TIME.  Even when he's been working outside and sweating, his musky manly smell is a huge turn on for me!

Getting though this cleanse takes major will power and mental strength.  There are temptations everywhere....This morning was a true test.  My boss brought in donuts from Sublime Donuts, just voted Best Bakery in America.  Really, dude?  I didn't even dare look into the box.  The morning meeting we have is in my producer's office-- a small space probably only 10'-12'.   Let's stuff 9 people into a room with a box of donuts and a starving girl.  Awesome.   The moment of temptation was quickly extinguished by the sweaty, morning breath stink of my co-workers--- I literally couldn't get out of that room fast enough!  Then I sucked down my mint tea like I was eating a homemade bavarian cream donut.

Now let's talk physical effects of the cleanse:  First, what you all are "weighting" for....Day 11 and down 12.5 pounds.  I'm thrilled!  I actually had to take off a pair of pants this morning because they were simply too baggy to wear to work!  Skinny jeans are still about 10 pounds away, but I am soooooo cloooooose!

I hit a plateau months ago at 160--- then put on more weight and couldn't get the scale to budge below 162 during bootcamp.  I finally hit the 150's this week!  Down to 158.4.  I consider that a huge victory.  The weight has been falling off--  finally.  I can tell I am losing some muscle, but I am also seeing some of those sculpted muscles from my months of Tracy Anderson workouts pop out from underneath the fat layer that is melting away.

The last time this happened, I kept the weight off with intense TAM workouts-- the cleanse stripped away the fat and TAM added some muscle back.  My body was rockin'!  That's the plan this time around too.

Cutting out caffeine was tough--- although I really didn't have much withdrawal as far as headaches and shakiness.  I do miss the taste of coffee, but I do not miss the restlessness it causes me at night.  I have been sleeping better than I have in YEARS.  Deep sleep without waking up a hundred times!  Lastnight I had a dream that JP and I bought a bunch of candy and brought it home.  Instead of gorging on it, I said to him in the dream, "I don't feel hungry for candy right now.  Let's save it for later."  HUH????  Those words would never come out of my mouth in real life--- really?  Save it for later?  Could it be that this cleanse is perhaps helping the Mistress find that Moderation that has eluded her for so long?  Perhaps?

Dare to dream.  HA!  Literally.

I am truly craving healthy foods now, which is fabulous.  Visions of hearty salads with chickpeas and beets, banana smoothies, juicing some kale/lemon/ginger/apple....all sounds divine.

JP has kindly taken over cooking duties for himself.  It's just too much for me to try to cook for him on this cleanse.  I almost had an anxiety attack frying up chicken for him the other night.  While I'm sure he'd be psyched to see some girl on girl action, the vision of me licking Paula Deen's plump thighs is probably not what he had in mind.  Just venturing a guess.

More tomorrow to answer some of the questions I've been getting from girls on Facebook....like:

Do I have to do the cleanse for 10 whole days?  Can I do it for less time?  What kind of water do you use?  Do you workout on the cleanse?  

Feel free to post questions and I'll answer them in the next entry!

xxoo